Behind the Sliding Pane: Colonel Thomas Talbot's Witticisms and Eccentricities
Colonel Thomas Talbot's biographies are well-documented with witty anecdotes and strange incidents. Scroll down to discover the Colonel's humorous side.
The Infamous Sliding Window
After one land applicant threw him to the ground and tried to force him to cede a land grant, Colonel Tom conducted all future interviews through a sliding window pane on his front door. After greeting his applicants with a gruff "What do you want?", they had a minute or so to prove their good character to the Colonel. If he was displeased by the applicants, he would simply shut the pane without another word, and threaten to set the dogs on them if they were unusually persistent.
The Scottish Emigrant
L. Cunningham Kearney recounts an incident where a Scottish emigrant applied for a land grant, but was denied. "I'll gang till your betters," the man said, to which the Colonel replied, "Go and be damned ... for you can't find them." The Scotsman applied unsuccessfully for a grant from Francis Gore, who was the Governor of Upper Canada at the time, then was summoned once again by Colonel Tom, who asked him, "Have you found my betters, or yet a lot of land after your long tramp to Toronto?" "Drawing himself up to his full height, and with a look of defiance" (Kearney 7), the man told the Colonel that he had not. Colonel Tom then invited the man in for dinner and whiskey, and eventually sold him one of the best lots. According to Kearney, the Scotsman went on to become one of the finest farmers in Elgin County.
The Wolf in Sheep's Clothing
Colonel Tom deemed people who tried to force land out of him as "land pirates." One such "land pirate" was an American named Amos, who, after his first application was denied, disguised himself in British clothing for a second try. However, the wily Colonel was not fooled. He promptly called for his servant, shouting, "Jeffry, Jeffry set on the dogs; here's a wolf in sheep's clothing!"
The Fork That Won A Horse
However, not all "pirates" were unsuccessful in obtaining goods from the Colonel. Mrs. Crane, a Scottish woman, threatened Colonel Tom with a fork until he granted her a horse for her new lot.
Tommy Tough
James Coyne describes one memorable St. George's Day (April 23), when Colonel Tom was delivering his annual speech to the settlement: "Taking out his snuff-box, giving it the usual formal tap, he administered a large dose of the powdered tobacco to his nostrils, shook his extended fingers a few inches from his nose, and called out: 'Gentlemen, I am an old man––but tough.' His admirers spoke of him familiarly afterwards as 'Tommy Tough'" (52).
The Reverend
Although he was an Anglican by practice, Colonel Tom was not always generous towards the clergy. He once refused to grant church land to a Reverend, claiming, "You gather a parcel of you together, sing a psalm, howl and yell like a band of wolves, then go and cheat your neighbour, and come back and sing a hymn over it."
The Devil's Pickings
When asked why he never married, the Colonel cleverly replied, "Those who would have me, the Devil wouldn't have them."
Have a favourite Colonel Tom moment we haven't mentioned? Comment below.
Sources
Ermatinger, C.O. The Talbot Regime or the First Half Century of the Talbot Settlement. The Municipal World, Limited., 1904.
Ermatinger, Edward. Life of Colonel Talbot and the Talbot Settlement. 1859. Mika Silk Screening Limited, 1972.
Kearney, L. Cunningham. Life of Colonel: The Late Honorable Thomas Talbot, Embracing the Rise and Progress of the Counties of Norfolk, Elgin, Middlesex, Kent and Essex, etc. J.W. Rose, Printer, 1857.
Landon, Fred. Colonel Thomas Talbot. Ryerson Press: Toronto. 1930.
The Talbot Papers. Ed. James H. Coyne. Royal Society of Canada, 1908.
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